by Gavin Byrnes
The NHL Draft, like Jay Bilas’ upside, is very long. In fact, by the time this part of the as-yet-unfinished NHL Draft Diary Fest Oh Eleven is done, I still won’t have gotten to the second round. I promise that, whatever reading and re-reading Dance of Dragons may be doing to my plans and sleep, it will not become the NHL Draft Diary Fest Oh Twelve. Back to Day I, Part II.
8:29- Here's where I start noticing the clever musical selections being made for the draft picks. What I was doing before this, who knows, but that sounds like 25 or 6 to 4 being played as the Blackhawks deliberate their pick. Clever (it’s by the band Chicago, if you don’t know.) What does that song title mean anyway? If I had a quarter for every time I'd mixed up the numbers 25 and 6, I'd have six cents. What I'm saying is, it doesn't seem like a very common mistake.
EDIT: A text from my dad informs me that the members of Chicago were up very late working on music for a song but didn't have lyrics or a title. Somebody asked what time it was, and someone else said "25 or 6 to 4", meaning, 25 or 26 minutes to 4 in the morning. I probably should have figured that out, but the numbers 25 and 6 always confused me. Anyway, I still like the idea of someone who A) has no idea what time it is and/or B) is pretty careless with the odds they are offering on some event.
8:31- No trades! I want a trade!
8:32- A trade! I swear, that happened right after I said I wanted one. Minnesota trades defenseman Brent Burns and a second round pick in 2012 to San Jose for Devin Setoguchi, who I’ve heard of, Charlie Coyle (I think), and the 28th pick of this draft. Basically, Brent Burns had better be good.
8:35- Mark McNeill, who slid down much further than expected, plays for the Prince Albert Raiders. He's a fan favourite at their arena, nicknamed "The Can."
8:40- Here come the Oilers! Why I graced that sentiment with an exclamation point I certainly couldn't say, but it's in my notes so I'm keeping it on. They take the Swedish defenseman Oscar "The Grouch" Klefbom. I also have written here "Another hot blonde." That's true, the NHL Draft did defeat the NBA Draft on good-looking blonde Eastern Europeans about four or five to one, the one being, of course, Jan Vesely's girlfriend. Go NHL!
8:42- Lots of booing for the Coyotes, and that I can't really figure out. Maybe it's the large contingent of Winnipeg fans in the audience who still smart from the move south 15 years ago? And my favorite song-team combination yet, Lizstomania! A song by Phoenix for the team from Phoenix. If only Phoenix were here. With Fawkes. And athletes from Wisconsin-Green Bay. And the child of Mr. Feeny and Stevie Nicks. And anyone with season tickets who pays a fee to see the Knicks. And someone named Phoebe who says no and is usually referred to with a one-syllable nickname.
8:51- Another trade! Chicago trades Troy Brouwer to Washington for the number 26 pick. Brouwer reminds me of Brouwer's Fixed Point Theorem from Game Theory. I wonder if he knows anything about it.
8:52- With the Senators on the clock, the Jumbotron shows notable #21 picks. Hey, I've heard of Saku Koivu! He's good, right? Ottawa takes Stefan Noesen, which some will consider a reach.
8:57- More trades! This one involves Anaheim giving the 22nd selection to Toronto for numbers 30 and 39. I wonder who Toronto is targeting with this pick that won't be there at 25?
9:03- This guy is wearing a toupee or I'm the King of Finland. And I don't even think Finland has a king.
9:05- A surefire way to turn boos to cheers is to thank the crowd here in Minnesota for their hospitality. Works like a charm.
9:10- Trade! Detroit trades #24 to Ottawa for #35 and #48. Also, Toronto took an American forward named Tyler Biggs. Is it just me, or is every amateur athlete in every sport except basketball named Tyler these days?
9:14- Tyler Biggs…so close to Tyrone Biggums, and yet so far.
9:18- Unedited...24th pick: Puempel. Cool name. Short hair. Big ears. 28th North American. Surprising. That is, Puempel was rated the 28th best North American skater by the NHL's Central Scouting Service.
9:26- Hair-man comes up again for Toronto, and picks Stuart Percy, who for some reason I have decided I don't like. Somebody looks angry, according to my notes, but for the life of me I can't figure it out who it is. The number 7 might appear in this sentence, but that's merely speculation.
9:30- Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet Emooooooooooooooootion.
9:33- Flathead! I haven't heard that song in a while. These last first rounders go very very very slow.
9:42- Is that his mom? Sister? Girlfriend? She's hot too.
9:44- Lots of cheers for the Wild at #28 of course. I think they'll take tiny Rocco Grimaldi, whose name sounds like a character in a Mafia movie and stands 5'6". I think that a 5'6" hockey player named Rocco has to be the biggest chip-on-his-shoulder Napoleon complex dude of all time.
9:49- But no, they take Zach Phillips of the CHL champion St. John Sea Dogs, not to be confused with the Ice Dogs, River Rats, Lake Dogs, Chili Dogs, CatDogs, or True Doggs.
9:51- Looks like a button jacket? No idea what that means. Biggest boos of the night for the Vancouver Canucks. Everyone here hates them for some reason, some combination of a divisional rival and those riots they had and how ridiculously beautiful their city is...whatever it is, these Minnesotans are flouting their reputation as gracious hosts just this once.
9:52- This song is the greatest hockey song of all time. How The West Was One, by Kyprios.
9:53- This looks like a Greek guy rapping about a Canadian hockey team over a country back drop. Just like Grandmaster Flash envisioned the future of hip-hop. From my notes: "He has a bizarre German (indistinguishable) in (indistinguishable) body suit." I think that point stands for itself.
9:56- They really hate the Canucks. These next two sentences I literally cannot read at all. It's clear that I was ready for the first round to end.
10:00- Last pick! Anaheim. And...lots of boos. Surprisingly harsh crowd here in Minneapolis, I mean, the Twin Cities. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
10:03- Dani California! The relevant music streak continues.
10:04- And they take Rickard Rakell, who is in the Q and has the type of name that makes him sound like he's a badass who fights wolves and things like that. Makes me think about how great George R.R. Martin's character names are...Rickard, if you don't know, was Eddard Stark's father. If you don't know who Eddard Stark is, go read the books and watch the show. But anyway, Eddard, Rickard, Brandon, Robb, even Arya...those are names of people who will freeze their balls off in sub-zero temperatures for the honor of their House. These are people with pet wolves. Daenarys is definitely the sort of name you would want if you were going to make a living out of setting things on fire. Joffrey is a name for a little sniveling bitchass. You would never mess with a man named Stannis Baratheon, nor think that he would ever do anything than exactly what he considers justice. And so on.
10:06- That's round one! I'll be back tomorrow with the next six rounds, and by "tomorrow" I mean when I finish my notes. There are no pretensions to immediacy here in the NHL Draft Diary. Not a one. Hopefully the picks will go a little quicker "tomorrow." (hint: they did)
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